沉睡——也是一种美

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

如果对我的定型
只延续到上个世纪
梦也会突然降临
覆盖大地
淹没土星
当最后一丝曙光悄然离去
温泉室的墙壁不再散发热力
你会选择与决了堤的潮水融为一体
与深谷共结连理
抑或投入黑暗的怀里听它说：
“不要哭泣
逆天而行就是规矩。”

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:15 PM
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黑皮靴

安静的黑皮靴
默默地守着过期的契约
凝固许久的油渍已成为它永恒的残缺
昔日的耀眼神气今已气绝
没想到光滑的表面也如老妪的脸一样干瘪
渗透在鞋带中的汗水
只留下渐渐消失的泥土香味
和几滴新鲜的眼泪
猛然抓起布拼命擦拭
太迟
鞋底崩裂之时
阴森森的咧嘴一笑
鞋舌啧啧开声
血淋淋的谐谑相声
它依旧色如墨
挤出点点黑色幽默

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:35 AM
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开国皇帝

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

醇香的上等女儿红
清冽的杯面
反映出了不怀好意的笑靥
万岁爷的御赐
怎会想要推辞
怎能
虎符送到座前
宋太祖的杯酒释兵权
关云长的单刀赴会
青龙偃月见者面如死灰
却非人人可效仿的神威
否则明太祖亲自生火蒸鹅
徐达也不会谢赏背疮暴发


Envoy of the Stars @ 11:51 PM
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原来如此

Monday, September 27, 2004

如果人生是一幅空白的拼图
每个碎片在等待找寻和添彩
却发现斑驳的 调色盘无法将白底取代
恍然
那白描与线条都是绘在心版上
或许
这就是我们互相凑成的马赛克

Envoy of the Stars @ 7:55 AM
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It's been too long

Ok it has been quite some time (a few days only actually) since I have written something in English, which is a mere irony once again since I just finished the GP paper last friday. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that I did write an essay. It was just depressing to think about. Anyway, I really miss being around my NP friends. It's like well after stepping into a new environment, there were the occasional outings and everything but I just don't have the wholesome feeling anymore. A sad truth of realism.

Anyway I don't know why but these few days I just have this inadvertent surge of recollections and gush of emotions flooding my mind. Those past pictures of my NP batch being punished while holding our push-up positions, the taste of freedom delightfully savoured after having gone through 3 days two nights of torture in ATC (Adventure Training Camp) in Pulau Ubin, especially when it is directly one week after my OBS Camp during Sec 3, the numerous times we go scouting for good food venues after routine trainings or normal school days, the hours we spent going crazy and walking aimlessly around Singapore just to enjoy each other's company, the Lake Kenyir Trip in Sec 2, the long-forgotten rehersals for National Day Parade Combined Choir in Sec 1... All these images just kept reappearing in my head, supposedly clear and sharp but seemingly distant and vague in reality. Reminiscence and remnants of the past. Distorted and mutilated beyond recognition or well-preserved and nicely pieced together? No idea. But all the same they are history. They say it is always these chronicles of the past, which suddenly intercept whatever things that are being shown on the big screen in one's mind, that brings along nostalgia and schmaltz.

Some say it is just a sign of weakness to slosh in the past that we have found so unforgettable because it simply shows a keen alacrity to run away from the present. Emotions are for the decrepit milksops. They would say. Well I can only express my utmost sympathy to their plight for being emotionally handicapped. But at the same time, it is true we should look at what is in front of us. The future that is full of possibilites. Still, sometimes it is from these memories that we derive the drive and re-ignite the passion that has died out after a while, after all there are always times when fire runs out of fuel right...

Envoy of the Stars @ 7:30 AM
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无题

Saturday, September 25, 2004

外面风正凉
里头花正香
地上雪正厚
天边月正浓
是
暖风
假花
人造雪
剪纸月
人生的吊诡
供人戏谑
但为何讥笑不屑
嘴角
竟淌着血

Envoy of the Stars @ 10:00 AM
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无题

潜意识里
握在手中的笔在叹气
纸张发出的微弱呼吸
熟悉
早点翻开是种非礼
桌子的揶揄 （谁最后受愚）
椅子在抗议 （被压得快窒息）
白板的冷语 （写着时间的限定）
放弃
努力
蒙蔽
骗局
这不是一场模拟演习
不信
掩卷发现
“考试不准作弊”的字眼
昏迷
离题
但原来就已无题

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:02 AM
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神剑

Friday, September 24, 2004

三少爷的剑
沈郎的掌中剑
阿飞随心无情剑
令狐冲的独孤九剑
西门吹雪的绝代之剑
虚拟武林的传奇
刺出的是百年神话
和一纸空话

心正则剑钢，心邪则剑斜
自我奉献铸剑滴血
因而成就干将莫邪
后世流传
流落何方
谜.......迷
秘.......密

不朽
并非神兵的锋芒永久
就算废铁生锈
我剑未开锋出鞘
龙吟已惊动九霄

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:20 AM
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Thursday, September 23, 2004


Bremen Memories Collection: Stopped by the Windmill

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:56 AM
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彩虹桥上的风车

屹立花海中
托身尘嚣里
春去冬至
静静地
等 看 等 看
右是繁华酒香
左为陋巷腐臭
年年不受沾染
在微风中闪动着智慧的风车
停止转动不再带动风尘
等
时间的
过去
看
一辈子的
过客

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:55 AM
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004


Bremen Memories Collection: Shrouded by the Train Station

Envoy of the Stars @ 7:01 AM
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寂寞车站

天光
狡猾地散布在月台四方
封锁
所有退路
被 稀薄空气重重围困
背 夕阳的余晖包裹住
不让疲惫外泄
却
温暖不了刚跑完2.4公里的鞋
它的按时来临 无情离去 分秒算计
规律的定型
直到过了站 才知道我已中计

Envoy of the Stars @ 7:00 AM
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Oh yes!

Sunday, September 19, 2004

You have probably sensed how positive for once this entry is going to be, especially in my world of darkness. It is funny sometimes how two plain simple words and an exclaimation mark can lead Man to such a slippery conclusion. Intuition? Or just how the brain chooses to filter out the bad things that can be related to the exclaimation mark and instead fill the vacuum with the pleasing, sanguine assurance of a postive outcome. How ironic we all love to pretend this optimism when the world is crying out with the injustice that we have done ourselves and how the harshness of reality is sardonically laughing at our pathetic attempts to struggle for survival, sometimes even having to resort to those despicable, adamant means just to achieve our aims.

Anyway, well after that whole paragraph of crap, you have after all guessed correctly, provided your brains are working. Yah I am free for once of the tight rein I have to keep over my committments. The final lesson of the Pei Chun CIP was held yesterday and it proved to be a success. Those kids are really really cute and I sometimes find my past shadows stirring in their eyes. They really remind me of the many primary school classrooms. Same school uniform. Same type of classroom. (Containers) Same enthusiasm. (Maybe even more, sometimes it is sad that people tend to get skeptical, contemptous and misanthropic as time passes) So in a way I am quite thankful that I was given this chance to do something for my old school. Of course times have changed, the school buildings I have once spent countless hours in have been vacated and left unused, probably awaiting destruction. But I am quite happy the students over there liked the class and I believe all of us present were especially touched when they gave us cards. It turned out that they have made so many extras that there were enought for second-rounds of card distribution. Really cute people, eh?

Then of course there was the long-awaited MAF, that I have been cursing and at the same time promoting for the past few weeks. It turned out that there was no real need for the programmes at all. They were simply procedures, as I would call it. Unappreciated and superfluous, there is no need to question the act of scraping it, but unfortunately the school has decided that the CCA groups should be give some occasion to display their talents and the blockheads will be given a chance to host an event for that pitiful number of CIP hours. Please do not mind me scoffing at this but I am actually doing this emcee duty as charity to the school as I hate to say it but these CIP hours are nonetheless disregarded long ago. I am not saying this to spite anyone but the truth is PEARLS have long been out of my consideration since start of the year. If not I wont have participated in HuangCheng that only gives one participation point when I can easily get it just by taking part in some Inter-faculty Badminton Competition. In actual fact, I value that one point more than all the other points I have accumulated. So well, anyway, emcee was alright though I was really pissed (and so were my two other partners) at the hiccups along the way when either the videos are not brought up on the screen on time, the mics malfunction, the contestants dont come up for prizes...

Ok shall not start getting me annoyed again. Anyway really enjoyed having LEP people as friends. I am really grateful. They really rock. And ya I think all of us had a great time, singing those songs and dancing. I dunno why but the HC songs really have some sort of charm that dispels all the cynicism in me, especially after emceeing for a whole evening. It feels just like I am back in Huangcheng or during orientation. The bonds forged, the craziness, the silly things we do all came rushing back. It was a warm feeling.

I was suddenly so glad I am still in HC, and that burning fervour which has died down for quite some time have suddenly crackled and showed sparks of rekindling... Maybe this will be the miracle I am waiting for.

Envoy of the Stars @ 7:25 PM
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I shall breathe again...

Saturday, September 18, 2004

For the past few months I feel I have totally screwed up my whole lifestyle and messsed up my physical clockwork so that I was living on such a hectic schedule I promise that I hardly had time to do some serious studying. While most people don't believe my confession of such authenticity and genuineness, others are simply shut away in their rooms buried under piles of textbooks, notes and tutorials.

Well but then who do I have to blame for but myself. I was so blinded by a moment's folly so that I was thick and moronic enough to step into that stifling audition room. I guess somehow I got so tantalised about MAF (Oh... MAF!! I..It...It's MAF!)on that fateful day I disregarded the coo, warning voice at the back of my head (No u dope don't get in just go straight HOME) and instead embraced the blockheaded, obtuse idiot hiding in the shadows. I guess he must have came out for a stroll.) I was sooooo numskulled I think even a bullet could not have portruded that skull of mine. What was I DOING?? Ya ok shall stop dwelling on the subject. Seriously it would have been quite interesting... if there were no such thing as promos.

And tomorrow will be the day I will be set free, from the Pei Chun CIP project as well. Ok it is not as though I don't like it but it is honestly great responsibility to take on a bunch of kids hand-picked and chosen by their teachers as potential chinese authors-of-the-future. So any incompetence and incapacity will not be tolerated, at least by my standards. So while I was happy I could be doing something for my alma mata, what in chinese is called 饮水思源, but I was and still am (until tomorrow, hopefully) under tremendous stress of disappointing myself, tarnishing the HC LEP reputation and letting down of my primary school. Ya I may sound just a bit too serious but well, this is my expectation. The minimum requirements. My principles. So luckily the feedback from the students are (so far) that they enjoyed it. Well I must say they are really a good class. But when the principal called to hint at the obvious request of continuing these classes today, I feel like fainting. Quoted from one member who particpated,"We shall do if they provide us with the notes and curriculum." Well you heard it we have to plan the whole entire project all by ourselves. Not a small feat eh. And that friend of mine only prepared for one lesson. (We do in groups) I was the overall organiser. So well... what can I say. Not trying to act noble or what but I think I really need some air. I am feeding on carbon dioxide right at this point in time.

I guess I can finally breathe after all these things are over... (Oh please be)

Envoy of the Stars @ 1:04 AM
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