When you know you are bored...

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

1. Just read through all 100 plus of the messages in my phone. Deleted some of them, retained some of them,

2. Think about questions like "What is life" and "Where will I study after ORD" and "What profession will I take up". About time, really.

3.Watched about 5 movies in 3 days. X3. DaVinciCode. Pride and prejudice. Jarhead. Narnia. And I realised: where have all the chinese films gone to...

4. Regained new-found passion for wuxia novels after completing "Blink", though I doubt I will ever recover the drive to read through the night. Currently struggling to complete 《蝠泣录》, written by a local writer, because of the complex structure of his characters and his valiant attempts at modelling after Jinyong, which somehow restricted the style his storyline is presented in.

5. Went back school to get back result slip, a move which I think many must have been making these few days. The school is still the same old school I know, unless you consider the change in the noodles store as revoluntionary. But I guess the structure must have changed alot. (Just a look at the general office is telling enough) What looks alright on the outside, sometimes isnt on the inside.

5. Animation becomes a portal for high-grade escapism.

6. Very into easy-listening songs recently. 周华建。苏慧伦。听他们的歌感觉很舒服。

7. Thinking about what's going to happen for another 11 weeks.

Envoy of the Stars @ 10:49 PM
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Never a goodbye

Saturday, May 27, 2006

有时时间真的很会玩弄我们的感情。迫不及待说出来的再见，当真的到可以说出口时，偏偏又是最难说的时候。

一起吃最后一顿午餐时，我们的话没有平时多，也没有平时少。直到Corporal突然爆出一句：“这些经历我都不在乎，我只在乎以后我们能不能再在一起吃饭。”说完他就继续低头吃饭。气氛仍旧轻松，并没有多余的感伤，或眷恋，或感慨。

但我知道，他的话是有激起我们心湖中的涟漪的。我就是知道。

没有太多反应，不是没有反应。只因为，我们习惯多愁善感。所以我们都只选择沉默，直到拖着沉甸甸行囊准备走人的那一刻，我们还在埋怨为什么他们还在故意拖延bookout的时间。到离开的那瞬间，却又不经意留心到我们的动作竟缓慢了很多，而那也并不是因为行囊太重太多的缘故。

临走前，不忘多看几眼是每个人会做的事情。人都要离去了，所有的恩恩怨怨也都会不见。不，是把怨留下，把恩放在心上。所以当那个被我平时埋怨到乱的sergeant经过我身边时突然拍了我的肩说“要走啦？Good luck ah.”时，一切不爽、不满也都被拍掉了。

男生的做法，有时还是比较直接爽快。

“Corporal, 我们会再吃饭的啦。不要那么sentimental leh..” 他应该会听到吧。

还有你们，不要以为昨天那个挥手就是goodbye。哪有那么便宜的事...

Envoy of the Stars @ 3:27 PM
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Out!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Today we enjoyed our first taste of welfare and as usual, it comes with a price. A mad rush to clean up the area, which included the bunk and the infamous toilet and laundrette (which happens to be so messy and dirty I couldn't believe the three of us could have passed the inspection) before finally leaving the SISPEC gates behind, seeing it fading into the distance. (and you just wish they will just disappear forever) Today we get to book out for a short day-off (if you can even call it one) to prepare for tonight's Happy Hour dinner at Chevrons. Wonder how it will be like, but I do know some people around me have been waiting for this occasion so I guess I might as well be more optimistic about it, for now. Haha.

Really appreciate having a place to return to every bookout. Home is where the heart lies... (Sheesh my mind is playing "This is Home, truly...", National Day must be coming...) Sometimes you will give everything to have a bit of time to yourself, in your own familiar environment, your habitat.

家是避风港。有时真的要在外受些措、犯些错、经历起落，才会深刻认识到这句话。很享受每星期回兵营的车程。坐在爸爸车上，我们都很少说话。冷气没有开得太冷，是爸负责关小的。音乐也不太大声，音量适中，是我调的。爸就只管开车，偶尔问些零碎的问题，我就回答，有时就简短讲些军队里的事。他总是静静地听。但我懂，他明白。我们一直很安静，也享受这安静。所以，尽管路途尽头是不怎么让人期待的目的地，但那半小时的时间没有浪费。

Envoy of the Stars @ 3:38 PM
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May is for mayhem

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Some things we joke about in camp.

"Tough times don't last. Tough men do."
-Tough times don't last, provided we do.

"All the best."
-There's not really a best. The best is just a distinction between worst and worse. Some may go this far to even add in 'worst-est'. Get the picture.

"Rewards and punishments."
-Punishment goes without saying. And we come to the rewards. The best reward is: no punishment.

"The best form of welfare is tough training."
-This is as good as telling me the best way of slimming down is eating chocolates.

"Compromise is not an option."
-In the first place, there isn't really a promise made anyway.

"It is never over till it's over. And over takes a very long time."
-And long can never be measured by a ruler, nor by all the calenders you can find.

"It's all in the mind."
-And the mind is all you have, before they break it. If you even brought one there, that is. And even if you did, it will most probably be blank. And even if it isn't, it will be.

"Suffer in silence."
-Oh I am sure we will. I mean once they are through with you, you won't even remember your IC number, lest try to make any sound.

Envoy of the Stars @ 3:34 PM
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百无聊赖

Sunday, May 07, 2006

总喜欢看到别人的嘴角挂着笑，毕竟这比较正常。喜欢看到别人哭的不是心理变态，应该就是受到什么精神刺激或心理打击而变得嫉世愤俗。那为何自己又不笑呢？因为人吧，都喜欢要求别人，忘了要求自己？因为嫌自己笑起来时不好看？哎呀，讲了那么多废话，其实答案很简单：就是爱装酷，或装苦。悲情角色近来不是很受欢迎吗？不，应该说忧郁在这年代特别受欢迎吧。得忧郁症的人不是在攀升吗？有人就站在高处语重心长地说这年代的人太脆弱。我说或许是我们吃饱了撑着吧。难道还会是韩剧惹的祸啊？

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

其实我们的心里往往都住着一个反对党，有时甚至不只一个。（大选就告诉我们这点）不然的话，为什么在正要做一件事时，又会不经意地激起那适时冒出的反对浪潮呢？我们不也是每天在投票，投给自己的命运与将来。所以说我们都是投票老手了，因此我搞不清楚为何投票结果还是会有那么多废票．．．希望这都是些完全向瑞士学习保持中立的人们，而不是因为孩子没有被自己住区的候选人抱过或手没被握过而突然不会画叉吧。

Envoy of the Stars @ 3:34 PM
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Re-evaluation

Monday, May 01, 2006

If the organisation "A" that I am currently working for have not really made a good attempt at successfully brainwashing me and my peers to assume 100% committment and loyalty to it, I must say it has at least made me realised that life is really not just within your control. We can say "chill out", "take a step back" (sometimes two), "take a breather" in the past when we meet up with a particularly difficult obstacle in our path. But now, everything is given to you, even what you could originally give yourself, including the most basic things. Like arranging your own time, planning out the way you want to do things... There, we don't get all these luxuries (ya some routine can become luxuries overnight, just think about Jap occupation and natural disasters) Take SOC for example, you have no time to tell yourself "hey I can take a break count to 100 then cross the next obstacle", "take my time, everything will be ok." Ya and in the end it will be ko for you. It is do or die. Reality can be this simple actually. It's only when we try to wriggle out of it and find other means to get around it when we find reality complicated.

It's really a good lesson. No more trying to paint a rosy picture in this world. What's the point in self-deception. So I guess I don't make things sound positive, not that I am pessimistic, not that there is not a shred of goodness in them, but that I rather swallow up all the nastiness, before savouring the sweetness, or whatever is left. Working for rewards, reaping what you sow and equal exchange for everything, even mistakes. Yes boss, don't worry. Underpaid employees though we are, we shall still work for you, because we have no way out, because our contract hasn't ended, because we are living off you, but most importantly, because extreme though your teaching methods are, we have learnt alot.

Envoy of the Stars @ 7:02 PM
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