畅怀书

Saturday, March 24, 2007

围炉火,雾朦胧

强觅旧词说新愁

但愿今月照此心

苍穹碧,夜色集

一洗千层灰

回首尽在前言万语

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:11 AM
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Next stop, where have I reached?

My "working colleagues" were just discussing about relationships using the rather old analogy of taking a bus.

A: So some go up a bus not knowing where it will stop, only knowing that if they sense the bus not going in the "right" direction they will just drop off and wait for the next.

B: Some will just hop onto a bus while thinking of the bus they ultimately want to take, the one that will bring them to their final destination.

C: Yes some who are on the wrong bus will get kicked down by the driver in the middle of nowhere. I am now stranded on an expressway, slowly walking to the nearest busstop...

Envoy of the Stars @ 3:13 AM
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积极与消极

最近读了本分析武侠小说的《武侠小说指掌图》,作者明显是对武侠小说持针贬之态,在偶然提出几点赞扬外,大多是严厉的斥责。

其中就提到如还珠楼主的《蜀山剑侠传》中剑仙神魔济济一堂,以及金庸梁羽生所写神妙武功与内功为消极浪漫主义的产物。其论点概括就是:脱离现实,予人错误讯息。

不禁让我想到,何谓积极浪漫,何谓消极浪漫?若照此书作者观点,消极浪漫即过分随心所欲,没有明确意义的“想象”与“文学夸张”(简单来说,就是类似太随便,有走火入魔之嫌,不能文以载道);积极浪漫则是会劝人向上,肩负社会责任,推动爱国思想,反映现实等拥有n个好处的描写。我只能说,此君观点黑白分明,辨识清楚得有点太过科学了,而以科学论文学,不才如我,亦觉得虽然有其道理,但未免有点太执著了。那不就把浪漫主义搞得跟现实主义没差多少了吗?

积极与消极,不也如阴阳,调和则合,只有认识到消极,才懂什么是积极。而不同人对积极与消极也都持不同定义,至少文学应是活的。

所以我喜欢喝Earl Grey,因为有些人觉得它闻起来像焚香般呛鼻、有人觉得它如檀香般沁人心脾,而喝起来又有另一个味,有说苦涩,有说甘之如饴。所以,它真的灰嘛。

Envoy of the Stars @ 2:32 AM
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Avalon

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Somehow I feel I am falling prey to the darkness that resides within me. Sounds like science fiction? I certainly thought so. I need more control and restraint. Defense mechanisms to disarm potent and latent negative charges building up, apart from the bit of guilt and conscience left. Man appears to be so weak, easily seduced by corruption. Especially the soul. Never mind the saying "Clean is dirty. Dirty is clean." Watching "300" leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling. Unlike my peers, I couldn't treat it as a comedy, amid the rather comical bloodbath and dismembered body parts that look more artistic than realistic. It just leaves me with bad vibes and a sick aftertaste hard to stomach. I don't know why but I felt heavily pressured throughout the film. Basically the crux of the show was gratuitous violence, even though there were underlying messages of loyalty and valour. But in the midst of all the slashing and war cries, I doubt those messages will be disseminated effectively.

It's not that I don't admire valour, honour and loyalty. But the movie, to me at least, was a struggle against Man's inner demons: lust, greed, aggression, violence, corruption, the death drive. No longer a nationalistic battle to fend off tyranny and dictatorship, no longer a fight for freedom, no longer a calamitous war between Spartans and Persians. Just a never-ending struggle between Man and Man.

That message I interpreted is the most realistic portrayal in the entire movie, to me at least. There seem to be so many movies with war themes nowadays, and watching them never fails to leave me with a heavy lamentation. Pacifist? Idealist? Realist? Does it really matter? As long as a call to arms is not issued that easily, that violence is not resorted to that lightly or frequently, peace shouldn't be that difficult... right? I guess I am still a hopeless amateur, who's still living in his own fish bowl. But it's not like I don't see well-disguised acts of hypocrisy and ugliness in real life. Finger-pointing, blame shifting, scape-goat appointing and the evident sacrificing, responsibility pushing and arrowing... And the worst thing is, this is supposed to be a game for the supposed winners with the power to call the shots, the stakes to lay, the nerve to display authority, put on airs and talk about respect when they don't really comprehend that, not for puny pawns or prawns with no say and no interest to say anything anyway. So why drag the latter into the picture? Just to let more people know how screwed up and ridiculous this place is? I think most will have known enough.

In a desperate attempt to salvage my disintegrating soul and regain that control over my self, I am really turning to music, anime, books... ... The doings of a true blue escapist, indulging in fictitious, virtual, ideal, fabricated worlds.

"Keep holding on". I think for someone who doesn't really listen to english songs, Avril Lavinge's song really provides that little comfort and drive at the right time. And relistening to David Tao's "Butterfly" now brings all the flashbacks of last year's S*sp^c days to mind again.

I am just seeking... Avalon.

Envoy of the Stars @ 5:22 PM
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两载多短促

Friday, March 16, 2007

每个黄城人心里都有一座黄城。心中的那座城池,自然会比别人的漂亮、难忘、无法磨灭。

其实每个去看黄城的人都很清楚,去看的是台上台下那一届人的乐此不疲,寻找的却是回忆当时那瞬间永恒的画面与感觉。联系这一代代黄城人的,只是一份痴。仅此而已。

所以对于三部剧可以不以为然,对幕后的准备可以有些意见,但终究这是他人的戏,他人的梦。最多只是笑笑:年纪大了,很多东西看不懂了。

幻美的梦,大都是只做过一次的梦。就因为它已不复留存,所以回忆总是最美。

一夜欢笑泪水,辗转梦几回?

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:51 PM
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摄影文字

单车不落单

“阿公,你整天骑车去哪里?”

“卖菜去。”

“卖菜做什么?”

“买个未来。”

“买给谁的?”

“ 你。”

“谢谢阿公。”

“你懂是为什么?”

“不懂。”

“嗯。”

P.S. 感谢友人Karl的照片

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:41 PM
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Dignity

Friday, March 09, 2007

When you are immersed in an environment that numbs you to the core and are greeted by an occasional warmth, it is consoling to the point of becoming a form of salvation.

At the end of guard duty,

"Hey sergeant, really don't know when I will do guard duty with you again after this."

"You take care."

"I hope I will be doing guard duty on the day you ORD."

"Thanks."

I guess no matter how warped this whole place is, there will always be friendship willingly extended in every possible corner. It's just whether you will be ready to accept it deservingly.

After officially being a commander for at least half a year already and displaying that nonchalance to it under forced circumstances all this time, I sort of found a meaning to the reason why I decided to take up all this responsibility back then. Way back.

And maybe, just maybe, I have never given up trying to inspire anyone who finds that same meaning in my words and actions. At least, I forgot there are still appreciative people around. There is a pride long shelved away, but still a dignity to defend after all.

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:25 PM
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Letters

Sunday, March 04, 2007

I only left with one message and a grim mood after watching "Letters from Iwo Jima". Why is there ever a need for war? It makes me sound like a pacifist who only knows how to stick up for impractical ideals, before reverting to the pessimistic concept that "life is like that", declaring another resignation to fate once again.

But just like what the intelligent-looking gentleman sitting beside me said to me after the show, "Peace should always come first. If not it would only be too late when everyone is on the battlefield." Another pacifist I guess. We even shook hands in recognition of our similarities. Haha.

Kang Hao summed it up well. “乃知兵者是凶器,圣人不得已而用之。”

I added. “不得已也不应用之。”

这让我想起另一部片《墨攻》。里头刘德华演的墨家子弟为了守城,不惜“以亟杀敌为上”,请君入瓮后再将敌人在陷阱中绞杀。但他后来也曾扪心自问此法到底对不对。我欣赏墨子所提倡的兼爱、非攻。那也是有些不切实际的理念,毕竟战场之上,面对敌人何来兼爱,怎能不攻。兼爱兼爱,却不懂得怎么判断谁可以爱,谁不能爱,这又是否痴愚。

很多时候,我们不是不得已,而是不觉得可以,甚至是不要而已。

若整天站在死角那里看人,自然会把人看死了。

我坚决相信,和平的代价应是每个人心里的容忍。

Just like what was written in one of the letters that the japanese soldiers received from his mother, "Do the right thing, because it is right."

On a lighter note, TMNT is coming out at the end of this month. A childhood fantasy. And a bunch of favourite cartoon characters up till now. They still looked so cool!

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:54 PM
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Flowers and dreams

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Since I happened to be in Vivocity today when my sister messaged to tell me that she won tickets to Angela Zhang's mini music concert, we then proceeded to Dragonfly in the afternoon. First time I feel silly enough to queue in the rain with her while waiting for the working staff to give the green light for everyone to enter the premise.

But I must say it was probably worth the wait, and the fact that we are supposed to stand throughout the whole session. Angela really has a very small frame, but not as bad as what reports normally claim. She looked pretty healthy to me. There were screams from her supporters, but at least they were more controlled, so I can still hear her sing clearly, which was the ultimately the reason why I went there in the first place.

She never failed to impress, even though she was said to be feeling slightly uncomfortable. She belted out several new songs like 《梦里花》、《样子》、《C大调》and even managed a medley comprising of past songs 《隐形的翅膀》、《欧若拉》(still brings back all the good memories in taiwan whenever I hear it) and 《预言》. Angela is definitely one of the female singers I like now, and on a more subjective note, I think she really stands out from fellow artistes in her league.

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:08 PM
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HappYness

Friday, March 02, 2007

After watching "Pursuit for Happyness", there is a reason why happyness is not spelt as happiness. I think the "y" is to remind us why are we experiencing this happiness and to make us more appreciative of it.

The film mentioned Thomas Jefferson's "Declaration of Independence", highlighting the numerous times the word "happiness" appeared. But what Jefferson proclaimed as rights were "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness", evidence of his view that happiness is to be and can only be pursued, for noone can truly possess or own it.


Fatherly love is seldom portrayed or emphasised in films so credit should really be given to Will Smith and the child actor Jayden for their natural chemistry. (they are father and child in real life, anyway) Smith senior is definitely one of the actors who can never fail to make me forget that he is an actor. He carries emotions naturally, well-bottled, subtle at times but forceful at poignant moments, no signs of overplay or melodramatism. The bond between father and son is enough to melt every heart among the audience.
I saw this book titled "Happiness is a warm puppy" by Charles M. Schulz, the creator of Snoopy. It is a very simple picture book, one that could be finished within minutes. But the repetitive text and basic fundamentals of life pointed out, enforced by the beautiful pictures of the Peanuts gang, bring about a very heartwarming feeling. It probably struck the chords somewhere within, deep within. Currently contemplating if I should get one for myself, as a reminder to the simple pleasures in life.


Envoy of the Stars @ 11:57 PM
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