悄悄地走

Saturday, November 22, 2008

菽水无缘尽，儿女泪沾襟。乘风羽化去，留袖鼓盆歌。

十四、五那年，去看望你时赫然发现厅墙上挂着一幅外婆的肖像，让我这个和外婆没半点缘分的外孙也终能近距离瞻仰她的尊容。十多年来印象中从没去拜祭过外婆的你，也没流露多少“十年生死两茫茫，不思量，自难忘”之意。你眼中的执念，却也许是我对你唯一的了解。

最后一次握着你的手，是热的。温热。你的呼吸涣散，双眼紧闭，我不能分担你的痛苦、你的日渐消瘦和颦蹙的眉头，我只能静静地看着。

以前总是我用仅懂的一点潮州话对你说：先走了，再见！您从来都只是轻轻地从你的椅子上坐起来，踱着方步到门口，缓缓地回了一句：啊，慢慢走。

这次，轮到我对你说最后一次：阿公，再见。不要担心，一路好走。原谅我，一直只是个只懂得看着你的人。

Envoy of the Stars @ 10:03 PM
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It's a long, long goodbye

Sunday, November 16, 2008

有时，看到新闻中报道又一个破裂的家庭，一段触礁的婚姻，就会觉得情字何解，有时连当事人都不知所以。当初的两情相悦，每一对情人，都有自己的故事，也曾觉得自己的故事很精彩，可以阅读一辈子、可以继续写下万千个字，到了成立家庭，开枝散叶后，感情的起伏、然后就是疏离、最后再来个感情的摊牌。很讽刺的，以前难以形容的感情、爱情、亲情，如此容易就showhand了。大人的世界很复杂，很凌乱，但其实离不开善变、现实、欲望。

问题来了：小孩怎么办？这就变成了焦点。或许该说的是，这变成模糊了焦点的利器。“不要分开啦，要照顾到孩子的感受”、“孩子是无辜的”等话语听起来其实就是谎言。那就算孩子成了“挽救”婚姻的福将，但真是如此吗？空有其名同床异梦貌合神离各自精彩，你当小孩看不到啊？最细微的东西都难逃过他们的眼睛，更何况如此微妙的关系。这样的存在，是顺应孩子的“需要”还是自身的模棱两可、些许的无法割舍、举棋不定？由谁来注定的“需要”，何时变得如此好用？大人还是自己先解决自己制造出来的垃圾，再来顾孩子吧。只是把自己的东西撇一旁，只会造成更大的伤害。心若已死，魂返乏术。若选择维持家庭状态也请别摆出一幅牺牲小我，完成大我的样子自以为尽了本分，那三方面都会一起痛苦，讲穿了，就是抱着一起死。

这么辛苦，这么累，那为什么还是有人相信婚姻这个失败率如此高的机制？兹以为问题不在婚姻，而在——人。人生本就充满诱惑，这只是定力的问题。婚姻机制只是一张纸，却也是社会的标签，是精神资产还是拖累，说到底，还是看人是否依旧相信，相信眼中的彼此，而不是婚姻。

Envoy of the Stars @ 12:41 AM
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Observer

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The role of an observer is taking me in, slowly but surely, bit by bit.

人間が面白くて、退屈な生活をされていません。

上期答案揭晓：

谢谢你的关心。真的。有空再来！
谢谢你的关心，真的有空再来。
谢谢你的关心。真的有空？再来！

Envoy of the Stars @ 2:29 AM
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关心

有人关心毕竟是种幸福，尽管有的是发自内心，关乎其心，名副其实的关心，足以暖心的善心；有的就不安好心，甚至别有居心，明显存有二心，往往就让人不敢恭维，讲白一点，就是恶心。是的。恶心让人恶心。:)

其实都是心意，只是内容不一。

对于前者，当然是谢了又谢，然后恍然发现其实“大恩不言谢”，要谢也谢不完，毕竟人生说短不短，说长不长。至于后者，也该谢谢他们的“关心”，让我也能多个观心的契机，多作一次人性的考察。有朋自远方来，自然是不亦乐乎。只是是敌是友，来者不善，往往未知，既然如此，就见招拆招吧。

其实，不想被“关心”的朋友，可以试着关闭自己的心。反正大脑每天都已经要有无选择地接收大量的垃圾资讯，若要加重负担也实在太强“脑”所难了，还是不用麻烦了，不用麻烦了。

哦，对了。刚读到这里的各位，
谢谢你的关心真的有空再来。(就连这句话也有几个意思。不信下期自有分晓。）

Envoy of the Stars @ 1:52 AM
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Personality

Saturday, November 08, 2008

During sociology tutorial, the topics of discussion were family, gender and sex. The interesting part came when people were called upon to give opinion. (as always) Girls say things like "guys are single-minded (whatever that means)" and "I can't accept a house-husband because I cannot allow someone to be lazier than me (oh so does that mean housewives have been having the easier way out for so long..) And to think just moments ago we were debating on preset gender roles and gender discrimination. Well it just proves that nothing has really changed, even with raised awareness to these issues that are supposed to hopefully cultivate open-mindedness.

The atmosphere was relatively subdued until the tutor mentioned foreign policy and brought in foreign talents, which leads inevitably (or maybe purposefully) to the discussion of PRCS, and you know what, the class literally exploded into hives of conversation, or rather, condemnation. From more sociologically rational reasons like "foreign talents robbing citizens of opportunities and therefore making them feel like second-class citizens" to pure prejudiced lines like "they lack hygiene" and "it's just the way they talk." (And here the tutor made a verbal comparison between 怎么办 and 怎么办儿 and proceeded to question this supposed language barrier when the meaning is perfectly understood, but apparently the mood for flaming is ) Amidst all this the most appalling thing I feel is that noone even bothered to check if there were even any foreign students present and it was only until everything was said when it dawned upon the tutor whereby she asked for a show of hands to see if anyone's feelings were hurt. (Oops.. but noone there was one) Once again it just confirms one thing: people can find all sorts of reasons and magnify them exponentially just to draw the boundaries between the "them" and "us", and you can study all about stereotyping and generalising but nothing will change.

这实在是没有个性的年代。笑容要处理，服装除了得体要流行，行为就算没有危害性也须大众鉴定。让人不禁想问：是谁规定的？追求着外观上的特立独行，个性却像是某个样本的复制品。Man are born original, but why do we die as copies? And didn't Rosseau say "Man are born free; and everywhere he is in chains."

由得我小小的叛逆，深深地呼吸。

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:03 PM
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Now we see.. America

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

232 years since independence, America welcomed their first Black president. Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech finally materialised after his 45th year anniversary.

Actually, the fact that there is so much hype over this news (I mean it was half as exciting when George W.Bush was elected 8 years ago) probably still hints at the presence of racism, but it is definitely a great start. After all Obama won through the collective strength "from an array of racially mixed, growing areas around cities like Orlando, Washington, Indianapolis, and Columbus on his way to at least 334 electoral votes." (Ben Smith, Jonathan Martin)

In rather colloquial terms, the fates were smiling at him. He had the circumstances on his side. America is going through a tough time and the people need the change. I don't know whether I should draw parallels to the results of the Taiwan elections earlier this year when Ma Ying-jeou won the elections as well, ending the 8 years of Democratic Progressive Party rule and scored a victory for the Kuomintang. Sociologist Max Weber is probably proven correct when he expressed confidence that the charisma of a leader will be able to direct changes in history.

But fast-forward a couple of months, Taiwan is busily distracted by Chen Shui-bian's alleged money laundering scandal and President Ma is facing the many challenges and struggling to deliver what he promised prior to the elections. His hope of having a cross-strait peace accord reached with China during his term is rife with difficulties, what with persistent opposition from supporters of Taiwanese independence, and the recent riots when he visited China.

Newly-elected Obama will not have it easy as well. The 5 challenges identified will include 1) Promoting cohesion and consensus between the two parties. 2) Regaining market confidence 3) Resolving the financial meltdown, doing something about the deleveraging of America 4) Avoiding the increment in taxes 5) Maintaining his perseverance. Of course he will also have to clean up after Bush, taking over the outstanding debts America have been sitting on, and the messed-up foreign policies.

Apparently, there is indeed a reason for possessing the audacity of hope. "His victory was powered by a new face of America: comprised of all ethnicities, hailing mostly from cities and suburbs, largely under 40 years old, and among all income classes." 占尽天时地利人和的情况下，奥巴马的胜利其实也是一种大势所趋。是美国人对世界存在的“美国是否能接受黑人总统”这项疑问所作出的答案。The funny thing is the small town of Obama in Japan rejoiced as namesake won presidency. 华人的说法，就是沾光吧。

For a country that has always emphasised and symbolised democracy, freedom and equality, we now see... America.

References:
Ben Smith, Jonathan Martin, "Why Obama Won", 5 Nov2008
http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/15301?full

Envoy of the Stars @ 10:38 PM
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MusicMan

Sunday, November 02, 2008

首先，没想到自己会那么快就进入演唱会状况，开场不到一首歌的时间就开始摇摆打拍了。个人觉得王力宏这次的“Musicman”比上次的“盖世英雄”略胜一筹。而虽然陶喆依然是我演唱会的首选，但客观地和后者的“1、2、3我们都是木头人”相比，我比较喜欢这场演唱会的整体感。

他一开始就把演唱会的气氛炒热，或许和最近他特别注重的摇滚风格开场有关，“摇滚怎么了”、“龙的传人”立刻就能使在座观众情绪高亢。漫画英雄也要超越自我。

一番high翻天的曲目后，就是抒情曲时间。Forever love、爱错、流泪手心、第一个清晨、安全感、大城小爱等，自然是尽显浪漫优质偶像的一面，迷人指数不在话下。过后再来一小段剖白，讽刺媒体报道的不尽其实、言语间流露有苦没人知的无奈，乖乖收服一众力宏迷，得了人心。最后来首"Can You Feel My Love" 更是恰到好处。英雄也有弱点。而英雄的弱点，格外迷人。

最惊喜的一刻要属他在台上唱着“改变自己”，突然来个“瞬间转移”，献身我那排的座位那里，当然是引来一阵骚动。可惜来不及拍个照，不过反正他的帅也是公认的。近距离看个明星也是屈指可数的，n年前taka迎面而来的孙燕姿、优客李林演唱会时下台带动观众的林志炫，差不多就是这样。

还是最喜欢他玩乐器清唱时才气纵横的形象。那样的王力宏，无懈可击。边拉小提琴边深情唱“落叶归根”、轻敲琴键唱着“你不在”，整场下来，音乐性着实让人满意。还好没有错过。

Envoy of the Stars @ 12:13 AM
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