那杯茶

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

很想写这篇文章蛮久了。大概是从三个月前在Sispec受训时，那段迂回的难熬日子，每天没什么期盼，真有点行尸走肉的感觉，而且异常强烈。说是否对周边任何东西有些期待盼望简直是废话... 除了book out，可能就只有每天傍晚看着那伫立在操场上的兵士雕像亮起，然后告诉自己：又过了一天。

就在这时候，某天早上喝了杯热茶，之后就一直喝下去。并非它味道特好，但不知为什么，它像是有种象征意义，象征什么，又说不个所以然。那杯茶，也就成了每天奋斗下去的动力。（居然用“奋斗”两字，可见它所带来的正面反应。）但，仍然不是每天都有喝到那杯茶的运气。

人自然不是天天都能找到动力的。

现在那杯茶仍不时在早餐中出现。它带来的，却更多是种回味。但再怎么钟意那杯茶，重点是这样子的日子和生活方式绝对不是我的“那杯茶”。

更何况，我本来就很少喝奶茶。

Envoy of the Stars @ 7:53 PM
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Things that never change

Sunday, June 25, 2006

JJ's concert was great! Although there were some gimmicks inserted into the programme here and there, the main focus was still on his music, which is what I like, and what he is most popular for. Unknowingly, I realised his music has accompanied me for the past few years since his debut album was released. I recalled it pretty well, though the date was forgotten, but it was when we were in secondary 4. I overheard his first song “翅膀” on air, and got drawn to his music ever since. I still remember counting down to the day his album was relased, even though ironically and ridiculously, I never really bought his first album. But somehow, I got to know most of the songs from his first album 《乐行者》. 是种最初的感动。When I saw his album in HMV on the day of release, I told my friend about it and he was like "Huh? Who is he?" I guess all things start small.

His “冻结” was the first song which suited my taste best, and I remembered humming the tune when his name was not yet popularised even in his motherland. J1 came and “就是我” became so familiar that I could have sworn I know the whole tune like the back of my hand, having danced to that during LEP investiture. The nights of cracking our brains to come up with those dance steps, practising again and again, seniors encouraging and spurring us on to help make a good start for us, the song is so etched in our minds. Eventually, it became a class song, one we like to sing during our K-box/K-ster sessions. “豆浆油条” was one of the songs we sang for teacher's day. “江南” simply reminded me of LEP, and Sulaoshi. There was this flash video on the web that play this song in the background, a cartoon about this scholar who met this girl back then in the Nan Song dynasty, but in the end had to leave her to go to the frontline and fight the long-raging war against the Mongolians during those turbulent times. Obviously, the ending was tragic. Very cliched I agree. But somehow the scenes and the music blend in very well, and Sulaoshi liked it alot.

Time really flies. JJ's image has changed. His music has changed. But some things have not. His songs are still a must on the songlist during K-sessions. His songs still stir up the memories gathered from the past few years.

“... 离愁能有多痛，痛有多浓。当梦被埋在江南烟雨中，心碎了才懂。”

Envoy of the Stars @ 6:08 PM
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Friday, June 23, 2006

“恁时相见早留心，何况到如今？”

“待得酒醒君不见，千片，不随流水即随风。”

-欧阳修

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:47 PM
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Together

Friday, June 16, 2006

Loneliness is becoming really stifling at times, especially when it's breathing at your back and you can't exorcise it. The worst thing is, this sudden feeling of loneliness comes in such a subtle form, perpetually out of nowhere, in no exact form, for no reason. Ok maybe there are reasons, but even those are unknown, at least to my conscious mind. I find myself meditating more often now, since we have more free time. But loneliness shows its true prowess when you can't even describe it.

So it's really ironic when we are given nights-out and in the end, you end up lost because you do not know where to go. It was supposed to be a section outing and we did go out as a section, for the first time. But we ended up wandering around Jurong Entertainment Centre and there was a point when we split up. A few of us waited in KFC and stewed and it was at this time when I was eating my mash potatoes when suddenly, the three of the others returned and dramatically placed a small chocolate cake on the table, right in front of me. I looked up and saw one of the guy's grinning expression, coupled with the words "Happy Birthday!" And that was the most unexpectant surprise I ever received. One because I never expected it from the guys, especially guys in NS (no other intentions but NS guys focus on girls more unless they are...) Two because it was all so well-planned I got no wind of it at all, and didn't catch any hints too. It turned out the whole outing was pre-planned for this small celebration event. The splitting up and everything. And I was so guilty that I actually joked that I wanted to go home instead of going out...

I will spare all those unnecessary things about being "touched" and everything with just a simple: "Thank you." And for the birthday song, "thanks guys!" At least this will be a one and only birthday where we march around the parade square so many times (in the rain somemore) and sang stupid songs at the top of our voices just for fun.

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:27 PM
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心。血来潮

Saturday, June 10, 2006

“婉约的清风

夹着诗人的洒脱

悄悄吹走

对寂寞突袭的不知所措

不知要到何年何月

还得继续飘浮”


很久没写“别人看不懂”的东西了。可能是时间又多了，想得也就多了。但，生活依然没变。不相信，请看以下与哲函的对话摘录：

他：“我觉得生活像张白纸。”

我：“嗯。那我的像张厕所纸。”

你在笑，但这笑的背后，多少代价。就因为凡事都依归等价交换原则 (equal exchange)，所以得失也就不重要了。还记得苏老师赐给了我们的“盼你们能也无风雨也无晴”，不知道以后如何，但现在我的确是这种心理。或许，我们都在不断“突围”。

有时真的觉得很好笑。身边有那么多男生在埋怨无法认识女生，埋怨整天面对的是男人等等， 一副无可奈何的可怜样。笑也会变成苦笑。看来服役对社会是有贡献的，尤其是对广大女性族群来说。突然发现六个月居然改变了那么多东西。真的，好多。

Envoy of the Stars @ 1:38 PM
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