Slack...

Friday, February 29, 2008

"Things seem to get more out of reach than ever when you try too hard."

Someone was like telling me that, and I consented with silence. It's true that you have to put in effort in what you do at times, in the hope of achieving certain results or meet certain demands or personal goals. But when you give too much, probably in terms of time, effort and maybe even passion and devotion, it becomes abit too forced and you might in fact drift further away from the very thing you are pursuing.

"No one knows what will happen in the future. There is no sense in worrying in something you do not and cannot control, so why bother?" This statement probably sounds very irresponsible and frivolous but it's what I will believe in. Yes, I am that laidback...

我始终相信，勉强是没有什么幸福的。虽然老套了点，但仍有它的价值。

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:57 AM
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Changes from within

Monday, February 25, 2008

この世界は、ゆがんだ。

And I shall drink in its discontents, and reflect upon the darkness in all light chasers.

The world is in me.

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:45 AM
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明哲保身

Saturday, February 23, 2008

在这个网络年代，可以自由发表言论，但要在网上发表，就要准备随时受到在各个角落隐藏着的网民或支持、拥护、或批斗、揭发、抨击、恶言中伤、谩骂封杀，天堂或地狱，瞬间之差。不须露面，藏在匿名身份背后，或摇身变成恶魔、或撑起正义旗帜当个卫道士，审判者。一切有时只是为了play god. 尤其是泄愤、不齿、嘲讽的话语情绪，若是亲身当着别人面可能开不了口，可能得做点表面功夫，但在虚拟的网络世界，这些深埋于心的，无须遮掩修饰，有时不经考虑的，就都表露无遗。有时逃不过的，还是——责任。就算是freedom of speech within a personal space, 侵犯到其他使用同一个空间（互联网世界）的人，也是惹祸上身的。总之，说话小心为妙。

我只差没拿明哲保身，莫谈国事这八个金字当座右铭而已。

话说回来，尊重是有来有往的，最怕是不懂何谓尊重的人，还大言不惭，理直气壮，咄咄逼人地要求别人给予尊重，家里没镜子的话，我很乐意指点他一条通往公共厕所的路。

Envoy of the Stars @ 10:41 PM
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话不能说绝

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

两个人争吵了，不和后，抛下几句狠话，用不了多少功力，（嘴贱一点就可以了）但破坏性却是巨大的，甚至可能是永恒。经过多年之后，碰面了形同陌路人还算客气，最怕是心存芥蒂，耿耿于怀，抑或更记仇怀恨，不忘用尽心思，通过不同管道以言语谩骂，打击对方，说放下却还没放下，说不管却无法不管，未免太伤身伤神了。

我不喜欢当和事佬，因为我是个懒人，更不是个好人，而且最怕麻烦，但被卷入不必要的风波也不是没有的事。我总是很单纯地奢望（注意：这是个奢侈的期望，多难实现啊！）两个人如果有何不爽，大可继续，不过不要把我当道具。我很放肆地认为我还不至于沦落到要做个随随便便就被拿来利用（甚至是滥用）的傀儡，或是坐在那里憋气隐忍的稻草人。当然，博爱(?)的另一面会让我默默许下让两个人化敌为友，重修旧好，破镜重圆的“稚愿”。

可能，他/她没有错，都各有立场，只是忘了退后。既然各拥一个世界，两者间又有零交界点，不如就给彼此，其实也是给自己，一个台阶。

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:39 AM
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さよなら友達

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Just went to T3 yesterday to send a camp mate off to Australia. He's heading to Melbourne to study medicine. (Another doctor in the making... Ten years down the road things will really be different.) I was informed only two days prior to his scheduled departure, and personally I don't know him that well since he didn't really bunk with me before and we only exchange greetings when we meet.

But it was nice to see him off in search of his dream. The firm handshake, warm smile that holds a common understanding between guys, a*my lingo, and the feigned hesitance to buy a parting gift that guys always have. A friend who boarded the same bus on the way home with me (by the way bus 53 really takes very long from Bishan to Changi..) suddenly asked me what happened to my plan to go study in Beida. I was rather surprised to know he actually remembered, but then again, I am really glad I have these group of a*my friends around me. Truth be told I don't see them often (in fact sometimes maybe not even once a year) but somehow some of them do remember certain things I have brought up to them before, like how another friend mentioned out of the blue that he will root for me if I were to really become a DJ during one of our rare outings. (I remember I only said once..)

Back to my friend and his question on my "Beida plan", I had to say there wasn't really a plan. It probably was just an impulsive desire to go to Beida to study, something, as I explained to him, that I have spent the past two years evaluating and finally come to a conclusion. (which some of you already know) It wasn't really a dream either, since I don't really want to romanticise something that has faded away with time and a considerable amount of deliberation. It was probably just a sudden thought then, of how it will be so different to study and live for a prolonged duration in a different place. But I realise that what I actually want to do is just to travel, take in the scenery and learn more about the cultures of a place, a role more befitting of a traveller, as to a student. I sort of mentioned too that although undeniably there will definitely be differences in terms of opportunities and environment, but overall, the past two years have made me realise that ultimately, how one's educational experience will be shaped depends on him/herself. I guess I will just strive to go for exchange.

Anyway, T3 is such a nice, peaceful place (and it is not crowded YET). Maybe I can suggest that place as the next proposed venue for a gathering, a change to town, which has become boring with time.

All the best Clement, and the rest of you too..

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:09 AM
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静

Saturday, February 16, 2008

一组人中没人发言，你看我我看你，讲的尽是半咸不淡的家常话，彼此寒暄后，又回到互看、不然就假装查看手机的情景，彼此间又没熟到持久的静默能让人感到舒服这种境界，这样下去实在很没意思。这样的“聚会”聚集的应该是一种缘尽于此的觉悟，不去也罢。

一组人中要安静做个旁观者其实很简单，坐在那里，什么都不用做，大家笑时跟着一起笑，配合的话就时不时点个头表示了解，即使是有在听没在懂甚至是完全"switch off"，也不会怎么样。开口说话的那个却要搞气氛、讲笑话、偶尔扮个小丑哗众取宠，完成吃力不讨好的破冰却换来一堆听了让人哭笑不得，不是滋味的“反击”，一旦不说话又立刻被当成"emo"。

所以聪明人选择沉默是金。

但一个“多话”的人的沉默，比什么都响亮。

Envoy of the Stars @ 1:24 AM
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ひとり、ふたり

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

二月十四又来了

寂寞是用心培养

灌溉了三百六十五天无缘

的蔷薇

只为了这天的采摘

茜红越深，刺得越深

何必两个人，我喜欢热闹

今天不回家的那种狂念在心中一片喧嚣

反正两个人不一定就等于我们

就让混在一群人当中，治疗那丁点

节日产生的心理作用

快乐幸福身不由己地

就这样恋上一个人

尽管自我催眠是主因

但有伴侣的沉醉

无伴侣的继续陶醉

在众人皆醉我独醒的世界

寻找另一只清醒的蝴蝶

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:03 PM
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Musings

Friday, February 08, 2008

Teaching is seriously not a bad profession. Now this is formal. Not that I have made a decision or affirmed my resolution. But teaching is not bad,

IF

1. You don't mind having high blood pressure.
2. You don't mind being emotionally and physically drained by BOTH those who are younger and older than you. (the former are the supposed clients and the latter the boss...)
3. You don't mind bringing work back home.
4. You don't mind upgrading yourself now and then by going on course as part of the measures implemented to move towards a KBE
5. You don't mind accepting the fact that school is not just a school, but can instantly be turned into a CORPORATION, whereby the top of the foodchain can be given the honourary title of CEO
6. You are already flipping through your copy of Sunzi's Art of War..
7. You don't mind being reminded how old u are and this only gets WORST as the years go by
8. You don't mind taking on the roles of shepherd and babysitter more often than not.

9. You have infinite patience and simply the nerve to deal with generation after generation of adolescents who only have one similarity: the hormones rage within all of them.. (and that really complicates things and ultimately your job)

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:30 PM
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青花瓷

Thursday, February 07, 2008

词:方文山曲:周杰伦

素胚勾勒出青花笔锋浓转淡
瓶身描绘的牡丹一如你初妆
冉冉檀香透过窗心事我了然
宣纸上走笔至此搁一半
釉色渲染仕女图韵味被私藏
而你嫣然的一笑如含苞待放
你的美一缕飘散去到我去不了的地方

天青色等烟雨而我在等你
炊烟袅袅升起隔江千万里
在瓶底书汉隶仿前朝的飘逸
就当我为遇见你伏笔

天青色等烟雨而我在等你
月色被打捞起晕开了结局
如传世的青花瓷自顾自美丽你眼带笑意

色白花青的锦鲤跃然於碗底
临摹宋体落款时却惦记著你
你隐藏在窑烧里千年的秘密
极细腻犹如绣花针落地
帘外芭蕉惹骤雨门环惹铜绿
而我路过那江南小镇惹了你
在泼墨山水画里你从墨色深处被隐去

天青色等烟雨而我在等你
炊烟袅袅升起隔江千万里
在瓶底书汉隶仿前朝的飘逸
就当我为遇见你伏笔

天青色等烟雨而我在等你
月色被打捞起晕开了结局
如传世的青花瓷自顾自美丽你眼带笑意

很喜欢这篇词，尤其是副歌那句“天青色等烟雨而我在等你”，和“帘外芭蕉惹骤雨门环惹铜绿”。诚如红楼言，春恨秋悲皆自惹。

烟水小弄抚琴唱一曲人生如楼
一卷初春顿似秋意浓
思念不蘸墨却已寄韵诗中
而我打翻了格律误了你初衷
你的容颜失踪害结局扑了个空

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:03 PM
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意义

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

我得承认新年对我来说已经不存在太重大的意义了。“哇!” 有些人第一时间可能会是如此惊讶。其实这一切不就是习惯问题。

像以前每年初一去春到河畔是习惯，新年前去趟牛车水是习惯，去拜祭、去拜年，都是理所当然，新年必定不可少的。而今，当有人问我：“新年要到了，新年衣服买了吗？”我只是浅浅一笑地带过。

日子要过。生活要经历。新年就是重新开始，重新洗牌的时候。今年鼠年也就预示着一个生肖轮的新开始，十二年前我想我最多只能为每星期六的Power Rangers节目引颈期盼，十二年后可以期盼的好像也不多。我不贪心，多遇好事就可以了。当然这包括好机会、好艳遇、好成绩.... 都说了，我不贪心。哈哈。

祝各位新年快乐！

Envoy of the Stars @ 10:30 PM
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