Repetitions

Saturday, February 27, 2010

In an attempt to do away the knot in my stomach for the past few days, I rewatched "Before Sunset". This being done six years later. I regretted it, because now it left me in a perpetually pensieve state, seized by an  irrationality to purchase a DVD for keep-sake.

I don't know what to say about this film, maybe because it reminds me of what I do, that it sort of captures, however fleetingly and surreptitiously, that part of me never made perceptually salient to myself. In any case, I just think it is a film to watch with a romantic partner, although the story isn't exactly romanticised. Well, I didn't think it was, apart from the European setting. And I will just leave off with this quote from the movie:

Memory is a wonderful thing if you don't have to deal with the past.

Envoy of the Stars @ 2:16 AM
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When sorry ain't enough

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I came across this news review about the recent Tiger Woods apology speech being unable to put a stop to the raining criticisms and incessant condemnation from members of the public and media, not to mention fellow golfers. (probably watching on in glee) Despite the strategised content and well rehearsed speech whereby the protagonist, after a prolonged period of media coverage, openly admitted to a mistake well outside his professional realm, it is easily predictable that musings and satire about this event will inevitably find its way to certain corners of Cyberspace or television, and I can just imagine a skit spoofing this sex scandal on MadTv one of these days. It is apparent: noone is letting this go easily. An incident as such has long moved beyond the initial defending of moralistic boundaries to something that resembles the act of "witch hunting", to quote the term used by the author of that article. (can't remember who)

There probably is sadistic pleasure derived from watching someone better than us (be it popularity, social status, wealth, physical attractiveness...) fall from grace, to find a target to direct our sense of ethical justice and righteousness and in doing so, fulfill the human basic motive of needing to feel good about ourselves. Similar to the Edison Chen sex scandal two years back, while sexual promiscuity is something I personally do not agree with, I could not help but note how misguided the public voice can be. Sure the protagonist has his responsibility to uphold his personal image as a public figure and all (when ironically he is known for being a "bad boy"), but should the focus not be on the criminal act of leaking out those scandalous pictures and infringing personal rights? The dangers of being in a concordant group is exemplified in deindividuation, when normal constraints on behaviour in people start to loosen when their identities are hidden in a group, leading to an increase in impulsive and deviant behaviors. In short, people get lost in the crowd and the power of the group reduces accountability for individual action. Hence there might be a possibility that people in a group will get carried away by the lambasting and flaming, while forgiveness and tolerance are greatly compromised.

Apologising probably forces the man in the picture to eat humble pie, but at the end of the day sorry just isn't enough, neither is a dosage of humility, for an inconsolable audience who most probably started out wanting to watch the target burn at the stakes, without much room for second chances.

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:26 PM
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Before Sunrise

Sunday, February 21, 2010

In one of the old 2004 entries, I briefly mentioned an episode in which I watched "Before Sunset" with a long-time friend of mine. It was awkward for two males to be in the same theatre watching some realistic yet romantic film (don't ask me how these two come together) about two people who haven't met for 9 years occasionally getting together by yet another chance of fate and end up talking about everything (again like when they last met..) but still failing to hook up with the other. So much has changed since then, but some things were kept constant. I didn't believe we were the idealistic souls we hid beneathe our hides way back. I still don't.

But something drove me to dig out the prequel to that movie, "Before Sunrise". Probably the recovery of a yellowed mental note to watch the film from long ago or the rare invitation brought in by the mellow air on a peaceful afternoon. It could be the intoxicating scent of bittersweet encounters, the enthrallment of a memorable present with no hint of a tomorrow. In any case, I stumbled upon this poem in the show which struck me by its simplicity yet the enormous weight it carries.

Poem from the movie

Daydream delusion, limousine eyelash
Oh baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet-cakes and milkshakes
I'm a delusion angel
I'm a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Lodged in life
Like branches in a river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I carry you
You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now?

Envoy of the Stars @ 3:58 PM
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永远以前

Friday, February 19, 2010

永远始终是我触碰不到的概念。不过还是有人拥抱着天天，慢慢地累积下去，也变成了这辈子的永远。这算是新年的发现。

不止一次的新年让我体会到我其实没那么喜欢过年。搭着通往亲戚家的巴士时，漫长的等待让路途显得更漫长。和身旁的老爸有一搭没一搭地闲谈，也不知怎么，开始聊到了他那边的亲戚，然后听他娓娓道来一段被遗忘了的过去。是关于我大姑姑的。诚然，我和大姑没多少感情上的交流，二十年来一起渡过的时间如果严格算起来，应该只有几个星期。（或许我还算得有些宽松了）但不知不觉的，我也开始专心地听着。原来，大姑现任的丈夫是她第二任夫婿，而她两个儿子（其实年龄也和我父亲相仿）原来是她和前夫所生的。现任丈夫是我出生以来就认识的姑丈，听说和姑姑是青梅竹马，但后来不知为何，或许是什么媒妁之言、父母之命，结果姑姑年轻时就嫁给了前夫。后来前夫病逝，也不知过了多久，姑姑又再嫁给了姑丈。他们就一直生活在一起，直到现在在我有限的印象中，几十年来都是相敬如宾的一对夫妇、父母、恋人、情侣，尽管最后两种身份是现在的我才能观察体会到的。

他把这简短的故事讲完后，巴士也很配合似的，差不多到站了。组屋旁边的空地上空赫然飞舞着许多纸鸢，一张张随风飘扬，时缓时速，风起时就往高处翱翔，风静时就低回摆荡，风筝和风始终共进退。

或许我也开始寻找过年的感觉。

Envoy of the Stars @ 12:39 AM
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心的新年信念

Saturday, February 13, 2010

除夕向来不但是除旧迎新的时日，也是焚香祭祖的时节。除了家庭团圆、阖府统请外，也不要忘了追忆先人，聊表些许思念。至少这些是小学时听来的道理。在逐渐踏入成年的同时、想法不再单纯、对一切抱有太多怀疑、容易变得愤世嫉俗、无法投入，就像是对一个坚持了十几年的信念进行一番重新认识。

刚才去祭祖时，由于那座庙宇占地不大，庙口的停车处十分狭窄，位子少得可怜，又恰逢除夕之日诸多孝子贤孙纷纷前来拜祭，所以尽管多年下来已多少有些习惯这种“盛况”，但还是会被那人潮汹涌、香火鼎盛的情景震慑到。因为平时来拜的时候还真是庄严肃穆、静若幽谷，往往只有看守寺院的大叔一人。人多自然热闹，但也带来许多困扰。像是车子乱停在庙门口阻挡了交通，想开车回家的人出不去、想进庙停车的进不来、正在狭窄空间等着车位的更是进退维谷。悄悄滋长着的不耐烦和坏脾气也就因车笛声量的提高而慢慢地变得显眼了，像是阳光照射在香炉上即刻显现的袅袅升起的香烟般。

只是让人想到：难得一家老小扶老携幼来祭祖，既然带着一颗心来，就要带着同样一颗心回去。

车子中传来震天响的新年歌曲，陆续夹杂着刺耳的车笛声，那热闹和喧哗始终冲不散庙内化不开的浓烟，和人们心上那层雾一般的迷障。

Envoy of the Stars @ 2:44 PM
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易燃物

Monday, February 01, 2010

能耐这种东西，如能量般是能够拿来燃烧的。只是同样丢入火炉烧，却有日久见高下的分歧。是金子的越烧越璀璨、是冥纸的两下就烧完。

Envoy of the Stars @ 2:00 AM
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