一见一别

Saturday, April 30, 2005

第一眼看到你
第一线阳光闪过了乌黑的天际
是静 是清 是晨曦
你无心地走
两条影子的呼吸就这样被一个人偷去
看着表
倒数着一分一秒
时间再怎么留
也流不过你发线的尾边
料你已到了终点
我等待的路才刚刚出现

Envoy of the Stars @ 7:58 PM
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Approaching the origin

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Suddenly realised that I will not need to sing the same old SYF songs a month later. There will be no need for LEP meetings. No point to stay back late till 7 or 8 in school for CCA. No more opportunity of enjoying the serenity and placid calmness of HC at night. No full-moon, cresent moon to greet me as I cross the bridge.

What would I be without these strings that I have attached myself to for more than a year... Counting down to the days I will return to the origin where everything originated, ready to start from zero again. A fresh page but a blank one as well.

Anyway, made a wrong decision on Saturday. Terribly wrong... and stupid. Actually took the bus 66 from Bedok to school after having a morning workshop with TJ. Such a bad choice. The bus was moving at such a snail's pace you would think you are sitting on a monorail... and I never knew there are buses which can go in such big loops that almost brought me around half of Singapore. And to sum up things, the few of us actually met some tenors who boarded the bus near Newton after TAKING THE MRT (which was 10 times faster) from Bedok to Newton... and I almost fainted when they told us the sumptious lunch they had... Imagine the expression on our faces as we were told about 锅贴、水饺 when all we were all so consumed by anger. Or rather we consumed anger and had a feast out of it.

Idiocy, or a moment's folly. Why are we always succumbing to them?

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:27 PM
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话当年

Friday, April 22, 2005

Noticed I have been ranting on and off about how tired and exhausted I have been for many past entries. But the truth is sometimes I find it so "unlike me" to be so involved in CCA. Remembered the good old days (pardon my over-utilisation of this term) back in Np, when I would just laze around and 'float' and glide here and there from one place to another (CHS is so big after all so can waste more time) during training, taking self-initiated short breaks in between sessions of drill and campcraft. This has become like the normal training schedule, replacing the gruelling one we had been put through from sec 1-3, a few of us would just scrounge around, just to fritter away our time. Such a waste of youth. Yet those were most memorable times. Thinking back, I remember n0thing about falling in under the hot sun enduring the sweltering heat and the equally acrid and caustic reprimanding from the high authorities, or doing push-ups on the steps of the tower block at noon time, when the BLACK, iron-hot steps are at its all-time high temperature of the day.

Nevertheless that was a carefree me. One who doesn't care about anything except my friends and myself. The "future of CHS NPCC", the ranks of Staff-sergeant, SI, CI... everything affiliated to CCA are never of my concern. But now, I can't even help thinking if I am being punished for my ignorance and stoicism. Paying back in full for all the things I have done, or rather not done, in sweat and blood.

Was arranging all the 文物 in LEP room, after Karpoh managed to recover many of the long lost items from his personal metal cabinet (or treasure trove according to him). 看到他如获至宝，如数家珍地拿出一件件历届治理会的衣服、一本本历年台湾和中国浸濡团的通讯录册子、几樽有象征性的大奖杯，一脸兴奋的样子，我真的不知道怎么拒绝他。拼命的抓住华初（是的是华初， 只有华初...）语特的昔日风光，重拾华苑文林以往繁华昌盛景象的碎片，给我的感觉，好《冬夜》。我是麻木了的吴柱国。只能在翻看学长学姐留下的情感交流册子中、挖出埋葬在铁柜子已久了的纪念牌、LEP刊物，东西是死的，情感却活着，一直传到今天。不知不觉地被感动了...

我们是不该活在回忆里的，但偶尔在知道过去后，我们才会更珍惜现有的一切。华初语特给我们的可能不多，但我们给它的有多少？

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:07 PM
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不要玩火

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

开始发觉有些游戏并不好玩。因为我不是玩家，可能是主角，那种RPG角色扮演软件中的傀儡，受人摆布。不想玩火自焚，惹祸上身，毕竟我还年轻，还不想英“名”早逝。但有时游戏进行到一半，骑虎难下，沉迷其中，作为当局者，无法抽身，只能继续玩下去。但最忌弄假成真，游戏变成现实， 情感好像被吸入漩涡中混淆、模糊不清，我到底是谁？

人喜欢玩火，却怕烧到手。

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:01 PM
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For the love of humanity

Monday, April 18, 2005

Wow these days I think I spent almost 1/3 of my life singing and pefecting the three SYF pieces. Feels just like last year when we were preparing for the Jubilation Concert and then the next big thing: Bremen Olympics. Thinking back, I never knew how I ever made it. Learning 16 pieces in 1 month is no easy feat! And I have grown so alienated from the beansprouts on the scores after years of negligence with regards to playing the piano. Remembered Edward Elgar's "The Snow" (or was it "Snow", ah whatever) was the first official choral piece I learned to sing. Loved it so much and got hooked onto choral singing ever since, even though I had to sing BASS and as though that wasn't a challenging-enough ordeal, I was actually placed in BASS 2. My first impression was like... But who cares, Bass rocks! The parts we sing may be boring but nevertheless the fact that not everybody can actually reach the low notes are satisfying enough. Hehe. Some feelings can only be reminiscenced but then it's always a blessing to be offered yet another chance of experiencing that same feeling. Really got to interact more with the choristers especially the j1s. Shoe laces. Checked. Mao suit. Checked. SCH here we come!

I don't know whether it is just the sudden, enigmatic gush of euphoria that I am overwhelmed with currently or the full dress rehersal today, but I felt so at ease and cheerful. My mind's weary but not asleep, and I don't feel like dozing off. Everything is so clear! The wonders of music! And such is when I finally realised that you can write a million-word essay about music but nothing beats making and enjoying the music all by yourself.

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:24 PM
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Is my soul treated?

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Sang for a whole day today. Actually didn't have a very good voice today because I had a slight cold in the morning so I was sneezing away and sounded muffled. It was quite demoralising to know that we didn't make up to our usual standards during warm-ups. Sometimes it is just so competitive despite everything the conductor said about "having friendly interaction" and all but everyone knew it was a friendly show-down. Harmless and healthy perhaps, but a competition nonetheless. But eventually we managed to make some progress with the three songs. Hopefully we will continue to make a dash for the finishing line and grab the gold we have been waiting for. The j2s are all tired but I know everyone still wants that gold, a glorious conclusion to our short stay in choir for these two years. So yupz we shall go for it!

Ok shall not talk about orientation. But hope those who turned up enjoyed themselves. This is probably the activity in my term which was so disappointing. But then I know the J1 committee did a great job in organising. Saw their plans and seen them coming together brainstorming for ideas. It is no doubt unfair to them because this period is the SYF peak season plus there are so many irresponsible people who didn't care about anything but their own grades or pleasure, not taking into regards all the hard work their peers have put in, just fulfill their enjoyment. Ok so maybe this isn't your exact idea of fun but can't you just take one day off from your extremely "hectic" schedule to support them?

Met up with Zi Qian to catch up old times after choir practice. It was coincidental I met him and Jing Han at the carpark just as they were alighting from a taxi after having lunch with a few choir basses at coro. Great to see them again. People who have experienced what we are currently undergoing are the only ones who can understand our plight. Zi Qian said I had an aura of grievance and lamention about me. Like which normal person wouldn't be when after going through a rough day and ending up weary and drained. Choral singing is both mentally and physically exhausting, really leaves you enervated after drawing all the emotions out, leaving you with an empty shell, which requires alot of rest for regeneration.

So I shall dance off to dreamland now.

Envoy of the Stars @ 10:58 PM
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阿历改头狗仔骂死。谢谢

Friday, April 15, 2005

是谁选择将侵华剧本改编
得意洋洋地让东洋受骗
是谁挑起上一代的恩怨
把短篇故事写成长篇
还未完结

礼仪之邦的极限
被冲破的是尊严
为什么你什么都出口
就是“对不起”没有
层层和服掩盖了丑陋
仍嗅到阵阵恶臭

自幕府
落幕
到《钓到钓鱼台》
不用彩排
都是你最擅长指导的鬼片
再度上演

Sashimi再来一片
让我分割

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:32 PM
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Pressure Release

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Had a long but relaxing day today. Somehow I didn't feel any pressure or dread during lessons, even for economics, primarily because there is FINALLY a change of lecturer. (a relief to many or should I say all) Then went with Xf and Labit to the land of far-far-away, quoted from Xiao Feng "Thats so far!", known geographically as Liang Court, a.k.a desert just to get a calligraphy masterpiece framed. But it was quite enjoyable, mainly because Labit being the rabbit has so many tricks up her sleeves and always manages to entertain us, including herself. (Actually just herself most of the time) Then Xf is forever trying to ridicule me and watch me boil... Ya but I must say going out with them is quite enjoyable.

他们说如果你看到他或她在不远处而神顿，你可能已经开始注意他/她了
他们说如果你看到他或她与另一个他或她亲密对话，谈笑自若而惆怅，心悬起来又从高楼抛下，你可能已经开始喜欢他/她了
聪明的你，是选择继续陷下去，还是浮上岸堤呢？

Happy Birthday to Kang Hao!! He better appreciates the gift Hanxi and I generously presented him. All the time and effort spent!! With messages like "I can't believe I am doing all this for Kang Hao!" flashing through my mind when I was gluing, cutting and sticking all the bits and pieces of wood and cardboard together to form the miniature DIY "Dream House" we got for him. Never knew I was capable of DIY! Haha must thank kang for giving me this opportunity to prove my worth. Haha!

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:55 PM
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什么都不想说

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

心情糟透了
他妈的某个前军事主义帝国政府
把历史当玩具
把地理当游戏
添购洗脑剂
干脆写个《钓鱼记》

Choir
四面楚歌
没有人想拿Silver
但除了那金色
谁会在乎你的苦乐
我们爱校
谁爱我们?

什么都不想说
但还是说了那么多

Envoy of the Stars @ 2:28 PM
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Friday, April 08, 2005

Submitted to using english to write yet another entry. Reality always triumphs over idealism. That's why you still see heads of companies being westerners who draw an expatriate salary that is probably a few times that of a normal Singaporean worker with the same skill and capability, except the coloured retina and hair. That's why you hear that the the U.S has the last say, maybe even the entire liberty to call the shots. That's why there are rumours that the remaining superpower in this world is plotting a scheme to egg China and Taiwan into launching a civil war by 2008... Talk about being ambitious, it seems that westerners have always inherited the genes of being greedy and having an insatiable lust for power and wealth. Not even Superman can save the world now. But then Superman saves America only right? And aint Spiderman forever swinging about the towers and buildings in Manhattan alone?

Shall self-restrain myself before I turn into a fully-fledged nationalist. Seems to me that there are things happening around me that cannot escape my attention. Yet there is so little I can do, provided I have the time and the chance, which in all modesty, I lack. Sad but that's the truth. Maybe I sound jaded, having painted the world in such dark colours. But then, I am slowly changing my colour scheme from black to grey. Who knows, maybe it will be a spectrum of flamboyant rainbow colours. Just the thought of that puts me off.

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:50 PM
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鄙心

手中的铅笔
滑过胸口的那道疮疤
少了笔心
铅却已沉淀我心里
深深地
重重地
烙了一个刺青

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:30 PM
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为什么我要用华文写东西

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

  1. 我不想用英文写南北
  2. 英国在近代欧洲史上长期的称霸世界与剥削殖民地人民,硬把自己二手烂货硬塞给我们的祖先,塞鸦片、塞工业革命剩下来卖不出的多余货品、塞洋药水、把东亚当垃圾槽，难怪Idioms里没有一句像“己所不欲，勿施于人”这样的人话
  3. 我一向响应政府号召，做顺民不反抗。所以总是变来变去，一下鼓励双文化，一下削减华文课本搞得我很乱。
  4. 我是华人。但这不重要，因为印度人、马来人、日本人、美国人、欧洲人都已经开始打太极、拉二胡了。
  5. 我宁可做阿Q，不做假洋鬼子。
  6. 没人教我日语、法语、德语、马来语、淡米尔语...
  7. 我高兴。再大的理由也抵不过“我高兴”。

Envoy of the Stars @ 8:13 PM
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别看这里

Monday, April 04, 2005

今天感觉像寒冬
星期一
是我的克星
Monday Blues
并不是我喜欢的浅蓝色
听说
MT.TOBA就快从N年的沉睡中
猛
然
惊
醒
狂吼着吐出瘴气寻找你熏死你
73000年前曾差一点毁灭人类
为什么心软就放弃
给了我们几千年的文明
在弹指间化为零点
不
温度肯定更低于零
朋友捎来了简讯
“很高兴认识你。”
嗅到了末日的腥味
夕阳红如血
但...
管他的
我又不是杞人
火山也不在天上
继续
记叙我的不爽
不爽
不爽
不爽
完毕

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:00 PM
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“陈”年往事

Friday, April 01, 2005

偶尔突发奇想，会发觉百家姓当中那些不为人知的少数奇性，像第五、上官、南宫、夏侯、轩辕等等是那么的让人大开眼界。而纵横古往今来，各姓氏都各有所成，有些家门更是出了流传后世，永垂不朽的人物。就是所谓的奇姓，也有不少楷模是世人效仿之典范。欧阳氏有唐宋八大家之一的欧阳修，诸葛氏出了鞠躬尽瘁，死而后已，受万人景仰的诸葛孔明。岳家有岳飞、孙家有纂写《孙子兵法》的孙武、包家有公正廉明的包公、孔家有万世师表孔仲尼，大姓方面，赵钱孙李四大姓氏排名第四的李氏，更是出了多不胜数的英杰人才，不胜枚举。开创李唐盛世的唐太宗李世民、诗仙李白等等...

但唯独我的宗族，任我怎么想，凭我对历史的认识及文艺的有限了解，还是想不出任何优秀的例子来。最多也只不过是个三国时代的陈宫、艺术家陈瑞献先生及一些陈姓歌手或演艺人员。反之，遗臭万年的陈氏族人，从魏晋陈朝只顾享乐不懂治国的陈后主、到元末乱党陈友谅等等，有的是恶名昭彰的乱臣贼子。直到今天又有大搞LP伟论轰动一时的陈唐山... 固然陈姓者当中不乏佼佼者与对社会有贡献者，但纵横古今，真希望有个能改写历史的陈家荣耀出现？或许，他或他们已经献身了，但都静悄悄地被时间的长河无情冲走，不留一点痕迹。但愿是我孤陋寡闻。

不然为什么连成语都用“推陈出新”？

Envoy of the Stars @ 9:31 PM
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