Avalon

Drama

Friday, November 03, 2006

Something bad just happened. It just spoiled my whole week and I have written this entry in my mind in camp. I just can't wait to pen it down and hopefully get it off my chest. It's stifling.

It was wednesday 011106. I don't know if it's because fate likes to take me for a ride or the heavens simply wishes to pose yet another daunting challenge to me having seen me rested enough for quite some time. Except the joke wasn't funny.

And so I am reiterating for the nth time what I have wrote in a statement and spoke of during question and anwer sessions for the past two days. I was vehicle IC and was accompanying my driver out of camp for round island trip to build up his confidence in driving. So everything went on fine for the first trip to Changi V until we embarked on the second trip back to camp after lunch...

My driver was moving along this road (I shall not name it, brings back the bad images again) and was about to make a right turn at this junction. But the vehicle was at the second rightest lane and he had to move into the extreme right filter lane to make the turn. So he was edging the vehicle towards that lane, so far so good, making his calculations, ensuring there was space between our vehicle and the civilian vehicle in front of us and that was when mayhem struck. I saw it in a flash. The left side of the front bumper got too close for comfort and before I could shout out a warning or do anything to even stop motion, I hear that sickening scraping of metal. It only sounded for less than 2 seconds, but it echoed throughout my head and my mind went blank, with the bang reverbrating as numbness seeped into my every pore.

And I thought there was only one way to spell shock... I turned, saw my driver practically sink into the chair, totally overwhelmed. He promptly broke down, in front of me. And that was when reality came gushing back into me, jolting my every nerve. I got down, just in time to come face to face with the owner of the car which so unfortunately got caught up in the picture. She looked agitated, for good reason, but she was giving that "so what you want to do now" kind of look and before I could tell her I totally interpreted that look, she kindly extended the helping hand and helped me spell it out by impatiently crying out "So how?" And as I looked back I caught a glimpse of my driver really crying, then burying his face into his hands behind the wheel. It must have been hard on him. I spent the whole morning motivating and encouraging, helping him build his confidence and it takes only an instant to wipe the slate clean and worst, leave a flagrant black permanent smear on it. For the first time since enlistment I had noone to turn to. Except my friend who was in another vehicle which has made the turn before my vehicle could make it, both literally and metaphorically. Alone. On my own. I suddenly realised what I have to do. What I must do.

"Madame, would you kindly make a right turn with your vehicle and stop it by the road side just in front of a busstop? You will see my friend there." Obviously the lady was at a loss, and so was I. The only difference between me and her was that I didn't show it. So after assuring her I won't run away (Ya like which stupid idiot would actually try to... 1. You are wearing green. The whole world can spot you like 200m away. 2. You are on a vehicle that can at most travel at 50km/h 3. My driver is currently not fit for driving...) Luckily he could still make the right turn and drive 50m before stopping by the road and slumping into his stupor again.

I spent the next one hour using every ounce of eloquence and PR skill I possess to talk the lady round, reassuring her my bosses are rushing down, apologising for the trouble, asking if she is rushing for time (and she isn't, phew..), whether anyone's hurt (and there wasn't, double phew, there were a few small children in the car. I think I will really lose it if anything... I don't wish to think) and calming her down. Damage control checked. All the while I was rotating from her and my driver, keeping tabs on him and consoling him and simultaneously talking with the lady to buy time. Surprisingly I was able to maintain my cool even though my mind was working like clockwork. Every minute of that hour was like eternity.

但偏偏世上仍然有人嫌天下不够乱。所谓一波未平一波又起。先是来了一个uncle“好心”劝我和那个女士私下金钱解决，不然把事情弄大，后果自然不堪设想。其实这我早考虑到了。但那时仍感激他的“好意”，虽然过后想了想，还是被他骗了感情，因为他多半是个修车的。这个人还算像个人。接下来的另外一批简直不是个东西，更不用说人。那一男一女突然冒出来，把我和身旁的朋友当透明的，直接跟那个女士搭讪。当然又是修车的。（让我从中也了解到原来修车的比巡警还厉害，真是不简单，不懂听谁说这里有热闹就冲过来，要是做消防队应该可以造福人群）他们讲话声音也不大，只不过我们俩站在十步外还可以听到而已。听他们说的话，根本就是要把我赶尽杀绝，从头到尾都是建议那个女士趁火打劫，能砍就砍，claim钱不手软。我心寒了。这就是我置身其中的社会。当然，他们只是为了赚钱，为了赚钱可以正大光明，杀人不眨眼，手下不留情，轻轻的几句，如果成功，我司机等于死路一条，甚至严重到有可能进DB(军狱）, 未来就这样断送，我也脱不了干系。真是干脆。干脆得让我真是想笑。但我只能苦笑，朋友后来跟我说他当时真有一股揍人（没办法，不懂有什么别的生物词来形容那两个，委屈了各位）的冲动。

天好像早有预谋似的在这时安排了一场雨。细细的雨丝飘落，稀疏得好苍凉。我想：老天真是会搞气氛，原来戏剧化还是可以跟生活搭上。我突然想起苏轼。“殷勤昨夜三更雨，今得浮生一日凉”。我陈氏没有他“定风波”的沉稳与安定，但我也受凉了。心凉。终于，救兵来了。但我知道，他们的到来，也预示我像是变成了一个等待判刑的罪犯。矛盾就是这样让你心里发毛，萎顿不堪。

我的Sir要我的司机去警察局报案，我陪同。坐上他的车时，收音机居然在播咻比都华的《世界末日》。我想：这也巧得太扯了吧。根本像是一场闹剧，只不过，我已有点闹不下去。

“想笑来伪装掉下的眼泪
点点头承认自己会怕黑
我只求能借一点时间来陪
你却连同情都不给
想哭来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
天灰灰会不会让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑梦违背难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁也许事与愿违
累不累睡不睡单影无人相依偎
夜越黑梦违背有谁来安慰
我的世界将被摧毁或许颓废也是另一种美
想哭来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所无所谓反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
天灰灰会不会让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑梦违背难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁
也许事与愿违
累不累睡不睡单影无人相依偎”

看了看身旁的司机，依旧低头自言自语，感觉好无助。我只能给予自己都不相信的安慰。雨戏剧性的越下越大，仿佛要冲去什么，心中何尝无雨？窗外的景物在骤雨中模糊了，街旁的树一颗颗被风吹得低垂着头，默默哀悼。车内，雨点噼噼啪啪打在车窗上，一张落寞的脸消融在淫雨绵绵看不清楚的黄昏。

路，还在延伸。

Envoy of the Stars @ 11:37 PM
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